I wish i was in the wii world.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
