i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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