he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
