i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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