So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
