Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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