Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is it penis luge time yet?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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