there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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