Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
