I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
