this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
