Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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