Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize