Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
