mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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