Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize