I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
