I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
