In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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