Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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