Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
