I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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