Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
