Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
