Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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