The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
