Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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