I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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