I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
