i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
