I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
