Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
