Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
