It's Friday. Sex?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Barsexuality is the new black.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
