i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
