the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
