Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
