I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
