if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
