mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
