like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
