she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
