did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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