i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
