my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
