Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
