question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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