Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The best revenge is premature balding
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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