you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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