Already got asked if we're dating
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize