Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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