You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
