His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i love accidental penises.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
