I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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