This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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