Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
