I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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