Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
