Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
