is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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