There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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