i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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