Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
