I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
