so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this boner is exhausting
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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