it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
