It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
