This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize