my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
