I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
