My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
