So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
