You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we're making bets on your personal life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
