I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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