I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
