Whod you bang
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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