I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize