If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
