yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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