Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
