If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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