member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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