If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
