you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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