So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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