Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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