You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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