After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
