Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
