did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
