Will you blow on my dice?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize