I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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