cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
