Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
