I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
