i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
