I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
