I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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